Well, another year has gone by, but before I start listing my exceedingly plentiful resolutions for 2011, let's take a moment to review on the year that was. Rather than my usual pontifications I thought I could collate some of my sillier 140 character outbursts on Twitter. So here goes.
- For the 1st time in the history of my drinking I am not feeling rubbish on 1 Jan. Although I do have an urge for 300 Peso jugs of cocktails
- Falling asleep in party dresses on Monday night is poor form, isn't it? Happy birthday mum!
- One perk of being shackled to the family home while my parents have a kooky sex romp through Japan is that I get to drive my dad's Mini Coup
- Today I am wearing a shirt to a job interview that was last worn as part of a naughty school girl costume. That's gotta be good juju right? (I actually got that job!)
- Today I have embraced my malaise. But I have found that it is difficult to embrace your malaise on a leather couch. #firstworldproblems
- Plans for the evening? Eat curry. Drink champagne. Clean room.
- I am currently a bit obsessed with this song. Symbolic? Well, obviously. But! It is awesome. http://bit.ly/3dxzzL
- First day at new job. All snazzed up, already stacked it in the middle of Adelaide Street. #universekeepingitreal
- "I am rather over Facebook. I am much more interested in Aldi" #shitmymumsays
- It occurs to me that if part of my new job is being a secretariat to an important group, then I need to learn how to spell secretariat.
- My sunglasses are love hearts. And I'm wearing an altered hanson tee. Have decided it's almost retro. I'm pioneering. #goodvibes
- Errr, did I just sleep through a tsunami? It sounds like something I would do #oblivious
- I have tendinitis of the wrist. No idea what from. Forced to consider that it may NOT be sexually related. So uninteresting.
- About to have dinner w old work mates. Feel v relieved as I can finally talk about my hormones and sore boobs. New office not ready yet.
- Overhearing housemate explaining to friend why Flight of the Conchords is funny. Not sure if that is something you can learn.
- Aaaand I've just realised that my bra matches my earrings.
- Just opened tweetie to find … I feel overwhelmed by the taxi driver and hus dusgreafard of road aafernsytahdars… I almost understand it
- What to wear today? Polkadots? Surely I won't pick up in polkadots. But I have before. But I can't! Have to get iPhone fixed tom #priorities (I totally picked up)
- Okay, so I was late for my appointment at Apple because I had to pull over for a bit of a vom. But! iPhone is fixed, and ready to travel!
- "you cum guzzlin' slut" i like it. And i'm going to use it in conversation. #americandragshow
- Wow wow wow!! Great keynote by Andrew Sullivan. Makes me proud to be a social worker nerd, what a great movement we're a part of! #10ntc
- Chillin at Venice Beach w a slushie and a four dollar pizza. Will be sad to see this holiday end.
- Bloody bad decision bears. They get me, every flippin' time. Fabulous engagement party though. Someone was wearing a chicken suit.
- So I'm looking pretty smokin' today. And in typical "anne" fashion, I just sloshed coke zero down my cleavage. It's so sticky …
- Flatmate: "get a better vibrator, and you'll be right". There's something so fabulously Australian about that.
- Just remembered- they played Bowie at the club last night and I made a conchords joke to the boy I was dancing with. He didn't get it. #fail
- I suppose, if anything, Internet dating tests my tolerance for bad spelling and grammar. It's also hilarious. But that's besides the point.
- For years, I have joked about doing a dramatic reading of "prisioner of society" by the living end. Tonight – I lived the dream. #drunkpoets
- Have developed a crush on someone specifically because they danced the robot w me. #nerd
- I'm buying a space invaders bra. Not sure if this spells the beginning, or the end of my so called love life.
- Overheard on plane: "you seem very practical". If I wrote a guidebook on how to talk to women. That would be a no-no.
- Well. I suppose if the last two weekends have taught me anything, it's that men are bullshit. I think I need to take break.
- My new motto – "you gotta slay a lot of dragons before you find your prince!"
- Ladies at the races! http://yfrog.com/06zwqhj
- Bumped into the last I guy I had a crush on. And before I went on my way, he kissed me. I don't think I'll ever see him again. WTF?
- I didn't plan on falling in love today. But I did. Dan Sultan may just be the hottest man alive. #dreamingfestival
- My first dress!! Made out of old bed linen :) http://yfrog.com/1310aimj
- As a sassy red headed woman of leftish persuasion it's nice to finally be represented at the highest level. #spill
- OMG. I just spelt bureaucratic right for the first time in my life. Is this one step closer to actually being a bureaucrat?
(Supposedly Dry) July:
- We've lived in our house for nine months, and it wasn't until I did papier mache in our living room did I need to go out and buy a mop.
- F.U.C.K. I've locked myself out of my parent's house. No phone. No one home. Need to pee. Gonna try breaking in again.
- "I'm using that golden ticket even if You don't want to! DRINK BITCH!!" oh, @poppyGx. What a friend.
- Hrm. Last Saturday I may have inadvertently opened a Pandora's Box of Booty Calling.
- "Urgh. You've got bloody Dry July, when is that going to end?" #dryjuly
- Well. I can safely say that sober speed dating = lame. #dryjuly
- A member of the support band just took off his cardigan. This shit's about to get real! #goldfrapp
- "this place is as straight as a sine wave": @AGMs_daughter 's fiancé.
- Have wrestled my morning afro into something vaguely professional. And yet I will still rely heavily on my blazer for professionalism.
- Movers are here. Just did a paranoid condom wrapper sweep under the bed. Found three.
- Snuggled in bed w new linen and a new view. I can totes see Stefan's Needle from my new bedroom.
- Had my first giant stack outside my new apartment block wearing a cute outfit. There was blood in my stockings and everything. I'm home!
- Facebook just made me sad. I don't know why I pine over this guy. Perhaps I'm projecting hopes that were never on the cards to begin with?
- "Your dad was going on about how you need a partner. But I don't know. Maybe you just need a toolkit. Less trouble" #shitmymumsays
- The lesson? Pilates and post-work drinks don't mix.
- Electro Swing. Cures all post-electoral woes. #dancethepainaway #ausvotes
- Have finally made it out of bed in a quest for groceries. Wish people wouldn't kiss happily in the street. Don't they know I'm nauseous?
- I think that any man I fall in love with, will have at one point in driven a Volvo. It's the daggiest thing the world. And the sexiest.
- Gifted from workmate. He knows me better than I thought he did. http://yfrog.com/bgty0qj
- Horoscope widget: "Today you will miss true love in your life. Don't worry. Everything changes with time and so will your romantic life"
- May today be known as Champagne Tuesday! Cheers to Jules and finally having a governent. What a relief! #ausvotes
- Oh. My. Frickin'. God. (@ Ding Dong Lounge) http://4sq.com/6UHoiu
- I can't help but feel my 10 year reunion RSVP form is belittling me for being single. And not a doctor. http://yfrog.com/0e1jjzj
- Whatever the female equivalent of suiting up is – I've done it! It's time to rock this engagement party, maid of dishonour style.
- Hmmm.There's a guitarist asleep in my bed. Don't you just hate that? #maidofdishonour
- I've just started following my local cocktail bar. This cannot end well. @Sling
- It's unusual to see so many men wearing brown riding boots as they're NOT dressed as Jedi #polo
- Celebrity Sighting!! Oscar the Grouch at a Toowong Bottle-o.
- It's becoming clear that my father is now primarily communicating with me via Facebook. Odd.
- Theres a pineapple in my handbag. Mwaha!! @poppyGx
- So. Many. Mustaches. (@ Archive – Beer Boutique Bistro) http://4sq.com/bYY8Oc
- In other news – today I came up w the perfect way to describe myself. "Nurturing, but not subservient" – love it!
- Executive decision made. I'm wearing my star wars t-shirt to work.
- Aaand I just got the receipt for an ap that I downloaded under the influence and had consequently forgotten about. Ah Tetris, my old friend.
- I guess I'm sort if proud. I didn't get too boozed, so I didn't end up sending dodgy texts and doing dodgy things. But I kinda wish I had.
- Watching the storm pass by w a cocktail in hand! (@ Sling Bar) http://4sq.com/9iccKV
- I have a lot of favorite things, and this brooch is definitely one of them! http://yfrog.com/h7dkepbj
- Tonight, I think I warmed to a guy just because he was gluten intolerant. That is so bizarre.
- Me: "I wish you had surround sound right now" @jessiemyself: "I don't. But I can turn it up if you want"
So. Have I learnt any lessons in the past year? Well. I've learnt that I certainly drink a lot. And I've had a whole heap of sex.
Other than that I think I've learnt that I'm slowly figuring out what I want, but I am not quite there yet.
So 2011, bring. It. On.