So I've been getting a lot of advice lately. And considering that I have a great job and a great flat, the only thing that's really left for me to be getting advice about is relationships. I once casually commented to a friend that while I am good at many, many things, getting into a relationship is not one of them. And while at the time I think I was deflecting the ever prickly "How are you still single?" question, I actually think the statement is quite accurate. Heck, my ineptitude on this matter could easily be seen as a 'key theme' of this blog. But I have a bit of a problem. While people love dispensing advice on this issue, it tends to be very conflicting. Currently, the advice seems to be centred around the following themes:
- Hold out for the right guy, he'll come along
- Be less picky – get out there and just let someone (anyone!) into your life
- Just chill the frick out
Confused and vaguely irritated by all of this I decided to have a look at the Selection Criteria I developed a little over a year ago. Interestingly, it seems that the streams of advice I was receiving at the time were much the same as they are now. And I still concur with the realisation that lead me to develop them – that not having Selection Criteria can lead to some serious, unmitigated disasters.
A lot has happened in a year and the lessons I've learnt have changed the criteria in some rather unexpected ways. There are some fundamental incompatibilities in the mix that I never even considered. Like a requiring a man to fit into latex-free condoms – they don't come in extra-large. Seriosuly. Who'd have thought something like that could ever be a problem? Turns out, it's pretty significant.**
So I've revised the Selection Criteria. The following is a list of qualities that I am looking for in a man in October, 2010. And before you get all high'n'mighty about me using this list to keep men away I would just like to comment that not only do I reserve the right to throw the Criteria out the window for someone I really like, but that I think you should be proud of me. I actually think there are less criteria than before.
And! I know that men like this exist, it's just they don't always meet SC6 -but they do help me keep the faith.
SC1 – Demonstrated ability to empathise with others and respect difference.
SC2 – Demonstrated ability to maintain a non-judgmental attitude towards others – including their partner in crime.
SC3 - Demonstrated capacity to maintain witty and articulate communications with partner in crime and key stakeholders.
SC4 – An understanding of basic design principles, including an appreciation of vintage art deco fonts.
SC5 – An interest in or passion for a creative endeavour. Creative endeavours may include, but are not limited to writing, photography, art or web design.
SC6 – Must. Be. Single.
**While I have not included this as a specific criteria, I think it probably falls under SC 1 & 2. I need a lover who would be respectful and understanding of my oh-so-sensitive skin. Also, I think it would be a bit crass to have a selection criteria around penis size.